JUMPING FOR JOY!

The Joy of New York

Good morning! 

I first visited New York on a stop over from Minneapolis to London in September 1986. I loved the city but felt that it was too big and too... overwhelming for me to ever live here. Looking back at that feeling now, I am happy to have been wrong. 

Five years later, in 1991, I was invited to a wedding in New Jersey and spent the better part of a week visiting NYC. What a difference five years made. I fell in love with this burg during that week and started to think about how I could live here. I spent the next couple years in graduate school in Chicago plotting my 'in' to New York all the while visiting about three to four times a year, making more friends with each trip. 

I first moved to New York in February 1994 just before my 30th birthday. I sublet a friend's room while he was on tour with THE WILL ROGERS FOLLIES. It was out in Astoria and I was temping for Burson Marsteller located just above Union Square so the commute was kind of a drag, but who cared? I was living in NYC at long last!

I spent from 1994 - 1998 having the time of my life going on auditions, doing a couple of shows, taking mostly terrible temp jobs, and teaching 7,8,9 year olds at a NY based children's theater. I also started directing at a children's theater during the summers in Sunnyvale, CA (just south of San Fran) and finding a career path that combined all of my other career paths - event producing - by doing contract work for a non-profit in LA. 

I kind of felt like I was cheating on New York by spending so much time with SF and LA but, ultimately, one goes where the opportunities are. 

So New York and I broke up. We still loved each other but I needed to see other cities. :)

I ended up moving to LA to tackle more event work - those years were a strange mix of the following: 

1. I had the most amazing social life EVER! 
2. I was producing successful, well attended, weekly and annual events that made money and got a lot of press within the LGBT community AND, I feel, made a difference in people's lives. 
3. I was getting paid for writing both online and off. 
4. I was contributing to a friend's website business by consulting with his clients on best practices.
5. I was occasionally 'temping' at a major entertainment company (this particular assignment is still one of my all time favorite jobs). 

but....

1. I had a relationship that was great until it wasn't and then ....I was on my own.
2. I had so many "Oh my God, I almost just died" driving experiences that I limited my time behind the wheel and became a borderline agoraphobe. 
3. I missed New York and would take sporadic trips back here, but could not figure out how to work my way back in (at one point, I had a job interview for a cool theater job that would have started on 9/10/01. Probably best that I didn't get that one, huh?). 

Eventually, in May 2003 I moved back to NYC. In January 2004 I moved into my current apartment. In February 2005 I started a weekly fundraising Bingo show that lasted ten years and raised a quarter of a million dollars. In February 2006 I worked in my first events job that one could consider "corporate". In 2007 I met a guy I would date for 4 years but, in breaking up with him, I would find a brother. In 2011 I would get my officiant license (marrying people is a source of great joy to me). In 2012 my mother passed away and the circle of friends I developed got me through it in ways that I would never have thought possible. In 2013 I began a corporate events role that took my work and my life to very interesting places (both figurative and literal). In 2016, I met the Mister and I re-discovered my art. 

That's 20 years total living in this burg and it's a great city, but you know, sometimes I get grumpy about living here. The subway, the rents, the pace, the hassle. We all know the drill. 

But it does feel like home.

And yet, there have been times recently when I could see living elsewhere whether that was due to work or other situations.  

Spending a chunk of my current work week in New Jersey has, maybe, given me a renewed appreciation both for living here and also reminded me that there is a world outside worth exploring. Funny that my New York adventure started in New Jersey, so it's kind of come full circle. 

Nothing more really to this morning's post than just a simple appreciation for all the things that life has to offer especially the things that have yet to be discovered. :) 

If You Want To Talk, Why Are You Sitting In the Quiet Car? And Other New York Mysteries

I travel back and forth from New York to Short Hills, NJ at least once or twice a week and I am in a profession that's fairly stressful, so when I get on NJ Transit, I aim for the quiet car. Yeah, I know it's not the "mute" car, but geez louise, if you want to yak IN A VOICE LIKE THIS, why would you sit in the quiet car knowing you're bugging the crud out of people? I mean, if you're just a jerk, then have at it, but.... are people really that mean or are they just clueless? There are at least a half dozen other cars devoted to "talk as much as you want, go crazy" why pick the one where people are trying to get away from.. well, you? 

But then, New York City holds many mysteries. 

Such as, if heat rises, why are the subway platforms like saunas? It's not like they're hermetically sealed, there is (admittedly only some) ventilation. 

I also continuously wonder how it is that people don't understand that sidewalks are a pedestrian's two lane highway. Always walk on the right. Is this different in other states/countrys/planets? 

Speaking of planets, on which planet do people have to be from not to know that when you get to the top of a stairway, you keep moving? Triple ditto for an escalator. I have remarked over the years to friends and they respond that I'm being too "New Yorkery"... but really, where on Earth do people not know how to use stairs? An eternal mystery. 

The above falls under the same category as the guy (and it's almost a guy) who stands in the subway doorway and then grunts when you try to, you know, get IN to the car. But there's always people of both genders who don't know the spread of their own butt and think that they can sit down in spaces that they... uhm really can't fit. Think: Winnie the Pooh trying to leave Rabbit's side of the hill home. 

I was talking to a friend the other night who moved back from LA a year ago and we were comparing "I nearly got killed driving in LA" stories, so by and large, the Mysteries of New York aren't life threatening, just garden variety annoying. 

May your weekend be free of mystery and incredibly joyful! 

P.S. the photo of the graffiteed NJ Transit sign has nothing really do with this blog post, I just thought it fit in the theme of New Yorkers/New Jerseyans (?) who can't even anymore. lol 

We Grew This Grub #fireescapegarden

Good morning! 

While our fire escape and rooftop garden weren't the raging success they usually are, we did get this yield of tomatoes and an eggplant this year. We're not sure if it's the first harvest or basically the only harvest, but it is something after all.

We planted late because of the heavy rain and the cold this past spring and then there was a couple normal weeks before the intense heat of July descended upon us. Frankly, that we got what we did is appreciated as we had a few plants die off.

The flowers I planted in the box next to my side of the kitchen table sort of got lost in a combination of tall grass and some sort of 'weed' that has a horsetail type bloom. I'm not sure how one can get random grass and weeds in a window box four stories up, but we managed to do it. I've given over to them, however, as they are the only things that have been growing really well this year creating a green wall which is all that stands between me and the pigeons that have taken up residence in a tiny corner of the window box despite our efforts to shoo them away by plunging long wooden "stakes" to prevent them from landing... these birds are so smart they just brushed them aside with a side eye smirk to me of "ok hotshot, your move" (but then, well, 'side eye' is really the only thing that birds CAN give so they may not really be giving me shade as much as well just simply looking at me). 

But I digress, wildly. 

Have a great day everyone and see you back here on the Jumping for Joy blog tomorrow!

Blogs you may have missed: 

MEMO 64

The End of the World Club

The Farewell (review)

 

The End of the World Club #hiroshima #nagasaki #leonardcohen

What would you do if you knew it was the end of the world? OK that's a dark way to start a blog post on a site about Joy. But, here me out.

In these days of heightened global anxiety, it's something that's crossed my mind occasionally. It seems like world leaders like to play 'chicken' with each other threatening annihilation if they don't get their way while the rest of us sit on the sidelines and engage in political discourse that wouldn't mean a thing if a couple of superpowers got in a Twitter war and ended up pushing a few buttons as they tried to prove to the other who is the 'bigger' man. Sure, in this country, we should vote them out, but there are times lately when I wonder if we'll even make it to those all important November 2020 elections. 

For me, this is a topic that gets real every year around now during the anniversary of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. 

What would YOU do if you knew that the bombs were coming in 24 hours and there was no way to stop them? I know the military would have ways to divert them/shoot them down in that time, but let's just imagine - you know you have 24 hours to live - the bomb is coming for your town - how are you going to spend them? 

For me, living in New York, I'm competing with a few million other people who would be trying to get out of town and I don't realistically think that I could get far enough away in those hours to 'get away from' the devastation - not with a few million other people trying to do the same thing. 

I think that I might not try. I think that I might simply stay here and make my peace. 

I would certainly get mad at leaders who screwed it all up (this is not directed at only one political party, by the way). I would lament the things that I, like we say in Church, have done and things that I have left undone. (And I would throw the biggest "let me speak to the manager!" fit EVER. :) 

And then, once that was all finished? I would be sad. I would lament the waste and the missed opportunities we had to make a better world for ourselves and the generations to come. I would mourn how much beauty would be forever lost - souls, vegetation, culture, creatures, knowledge - and I would cry until I had no more tears left to shed. 

And then I think that I would party. I would take my laptop up to the roof of my building and I would throw a dance party for whomever wanted to join us - and we'd drink and do whatever else we wanted to do.  

I might try to skype with friends far away, I might try to see friends who live in other parts of town; I wouldn't want anyone I loved to spend their last moments alone.

Ultimately, I think, I'd want to spend the last few hours in peace in Central Park. I think there would be thousands of others there too. Those that would want their final moments to be in nature, surrounding by all that is green and good and full of life. We would certainly pray for a better world to replace the one that we, collectively, had messed up. 

I would miss all of you and our rantings - talking about our failures and our successes- and our jokes and our stories, and I would hope that everyone faced the end in a brave, humane manner doing exactly what you feel it is right for you. 

I would hang on for the last minute.. because, truly, a country that can send a nuke halfway around the world surely can have a way to divert at the last minute.... and wouldn't you want to be here for THAT moment? (I think I may have just created an HBO show... 'what happens the day after the bombs don't fall? What is the world like THEN?" I expect a 10% cut thankyouverymuch).

But, right here and now (and here's where, I think, the Joy part comes in), I hope that we can find a way out of our present circumstances; that we can retain the hope that most of us cling to for a better world and a better society; that we can see that we still have time to right the wrongs, fix the problems we face, and see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is such beauty in the world, there are so many things to be proud of; so much happiness to be had. So many wonderful things here for us to live for.

I know. This last bit sounds very Pollyanna-ish, but I can still find hope and that's given some things that I've been through in my life. And, if I can do it, so can you. I have to hold on to that.

As Kate McKinnon as Hillary said on SNL "I'm not giving up and neither should you". Those are pretty great words to live by -- as are the below. Peace. 

O, gather 'round the brokenness
Bring it to me now
The fragrance of those promises
You never dared to vow

The splinters that you carried
The cross you left behind
Come healing of the body
Come healing of the mind

And let the heavens hear it
The penitential hymn
Come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb

Behold the gates of mercy
In arbitrary space
And none of us deserving
Of cruelty or the grace

O, solitude of longing
Where love has been confined
Come healing of the body
Come healing of the mind

O, see the darkness yielding
That tore the light apart
Come healing of the reason
Come healing of the heart

O, troubledness concealing
An undivided love
The heart beneath is teaching
To the broken heart above

And let the heavens utter
Let the earth proclaim
Come healing of the altar
Come healing of the name

O, longing of the branches
To lift the little bird
O, longing of the arteries
To purify the blood

And let the heavens hear it
The penitential hymn
Come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb

O let the heavens hear it
The penitential hymn
Come healing of the spirit
Come healing of the limb

- Leonard Cohen

From Jean Smart to CITIZEN KANE in Six Easy Steps #jeansmart #citizenkane

You know how it is when you have a little time - maybe you've been moving at a million miles per hour for weeks and your brain just needs a bit of a rest. Or maybe you have time to kill between things and it's not really enough time to pick up a book. If you are like me, you start to surf Google. Sometimes Google takes me in weird and wonderful directions, and this happened just a few days ago. 

I had just seen Jean Smart on an episode of FRASIER so I thought I'd look at what she's been up to. 

That led me to the Wiki about DESIGNING WOMEN, and, specifically, the infamous fight that Suzanne's portrayer Delta Burke had with the producers which got her canned from the show.

A couple years later, they all made up and spun her off into her own show, WOMEN OF THE HOUSE. I forgot that the show even existed (although not too many people knew it existed at the time which is why it got cancelled after one season). 

But I was looking through the cast list and noticed actor Charles Frank. He had portrayed Dr. Jeff Martin on ALL MY CHILDREN. I watched from an early age with my mom, my sister, and our housekeeper Mrs. K. My mom's mom Thelma stopped watching the show after the character of "Little Charlie" mouthed off to his parents. Thelma was born in 1904 and did NOT suffer mouthy children! But I digress. 

Anyway, I loved ALL MY CHILDREN and that led me to the character bio of Phoebe Wallingford, as portrayed by the actress Ruth Warrick. Such an amazing character actress who played this arch matriarch with such precision as to be supremely horrible and utterly loveable at the same time. Ah, those were really great days of classic soap. :)

Did you know that Ruth Warrick played opposite Orson Welles in CITIZEN KANE? I did but was reminded of it in my Google-quest (and yes, I find it funny that one of her Phoebe signature lines was "that KANE woman!"). 

So, it appears that the line from Jean Smart to CITIZEN KANE is fairly easy to trace. As it should be, Jean Smart is awesome (except I didn't care for her character on FRASIER, but that's a topic for another day). 

As a side note, I once knew a drag queen here in New York that could (and would, unasked) recite the entire "and THAT'S the night the lights went out in GEOR JAH!" speech from DESIGNING WOMEN's first episode. Verbatim. So that's something to note. 

Happy Tuesday! 

Other blog posts you may have missed: 

Johns and Marys 5: Boys Don't Kiss Other Boys

The Farewell (review)

We're Cookin Grub In Our Tiny Place

The Wow Factor 

I Saw What You Did

The Farewell #thefarewell #awkwafina #luluwang

Good morning! 

When movies are approaching $17 in Manhattan, one does everything that one has to do to enjoy the current flicks without going into debt. So it is that recently I've begun to spend Saturday mornings at the movies. First couple showings (before noon) of the day are usually much less and, sometimes, sparsely attended. I once saw a morning 'matinee' in a theater with only one other person. It was heaven. 

Yesterday, I caught THE FAREWELL, an indie movie about a Chinese family lying to the matriarch about a cancer illness. It seems implausible, but the flick is actually based on a true story. Anyway, it was spectacularly good in a way that indie movies are usually best at - theater-style writing (by Lulu Wang) and understated acting. Unlike a few other things I've seen recently, the story doesn't treat millennials like entitled brats and baby boomers aren't treated as shrill idiots. That in an of itself is refreshing.

The flick stars rapper turned actress Awkwafina, who I've now seen in three films (CRAZY RICH ASIANS, OCEANS 8) and think is not only hilarious but has a great future as a lead in comedies - she's got great comic timing but can also pull off a dramatic role. 

On top of a moving story, there's a killer soundtrack (composed by Alex Weston) that I purchased from Itunes the minute I got home, highlighted by a version of Air Supply's "Can't Live Without You" that is just exquisite and a jazz version of Pathetique that gave me chills. 

Let me pause here and say a few words about Itunes, for all of it's downsides (and we all know them), it's not like it would have been 30 years ago where I would have rushed from the theater to the music store (remember those?) and tried to hunt for the cassette (if it even would exist for an indie movie).  

But let me tell you, if you want to feel old, check out the artists in the New Release section. I know a couple of the names but 90% of these people, who are they? I'm such a dad (without actually having kids). Back in my day (said in the crotchety old man voice) I'd turn on the radio and always hear the latest releases. Now I turn on the radio and all I hear is talk with a song thrown in there now and then. If someone more agile on these things than I am is reading and can recommend places where to just turn on random music while I'm working, please let me know. I tried that with You Tube, but once you start down a path of someone you know, it just offers everyone else that you already know. That music is awesome but I don't want to be stuck in 1995, 1985, 1975, etc. 

Anyway, with regards to THE FAREWELL, it's so good that I may go again. And pay full price. Now you know how good I think it is. :) 

We're Cookin Grub In Our Tiny Place #rihanna #coqauvin #crockpot

For those of you who may have been following me the past couple years on Instagram, you'll be pleased to know, after a brief hiatus during the recent heat wave, we're once again cookin in our tiny place. 

Yesterday, Sunday, the Mister cooked up a mean coq au vin in the crockpot and we had one amazing dinner. Yum. He even managed to make turnips taste good. I'm currently reading a book about the myths and legends of "Native Americans" and turnips are mentioned often. Not that that is why we included them, but it was a nice bit of life following art. 

In any event, if you haven't been following my Instagram, no worries, I'll be posting here going forward - my bf and I cook (well, most often HE cooks, I just take pictures) of meals we make in our incredibly small New York apartment with a teeny bit of counter space and usually for less than the price of what it costs one person to eat out: last night's dinner cost us $14: eight pieces of chicken (two of which we froze for another meal), a turnip, a carrot and an afternoon in the crockpot. Ok there was a couple of tablespoons of flour thrown in to the gravy  - so, maybe $14.25. And it made two meals and it was DELICIOUS. The crockpot is an amazing invention. 

We both say we long for the day when we'll live in a house with a proper amount of prep and cooking space (and, well, real ventilation, rather than a fan hooked up near the stove during the summer... sigh) but we'll probably look back at these days with great fondness. ......ok,  naaaah. LOL 

As a side note, for those of you who are Rihanna fans, "we're cookin grub in our tiny place" meters out to "we found love in a hopeless place". Someday we'll post a video of us singing the theme song, but only when we can guarantee that Rihanna won't sue! ;) (Come for dinner Rihanna, we love you!)  

 

All The Sugar #holidayparty #chexmix

Happy Friday - oooof, I don't know about you but even though things are supposed to be slowish in the summer (really, mostly the difference between 100mph and 80mph but hey it's something), it's the end of the work week and I could use all the sugar in this cart.

And, you know, I'm not even really a 'sugar' guy, much more of a salt guy (give me a bag of Chex Mix and I'm happy for hours. To me, a family size bag is a single serving... just putting that out there for those of you who are already shopping for my March 9th birthday). 

Anyway, it's Friday .. I keep telling myself this because I need to: in the event world, we're working on a Holiday party. In the middle of 80 degree weather I was literally having a conversation today whether we should have 'holly' or 'bells' on the party invite and name badges. Retail queens can relate, I'm sure. 

But that's OK. It keeps me off the streets. :) 

Meanwhile, a fellow Typepad blogger named Julia spent a day taking a Flying Trapeze class in order to overcome her fear of heights. Check out the blog post here and leave a little love for Julia - she rocked it!!

Now there's someone who is "Flying through the air" with Joy, not just Jumping!! ;) Go Julia! 

In the comments sound off what you're up to this weekend, I want to hear from you! 

 

The Wow Factor

It's true that there are plenty ups and downs to every profession. But the events profession sometimes feels as though it has more 'downsides' than 'upsides'. This isn't true, of course, but like every job, it's easy to get bogged down by the things that are a drag. 

The biggest upside is that my job often takes me to interesting venues and locations that I, as an average Joe, would not otherwise have access to - and yesterday, as I rode in a speed boat across the Hudson on my way to a site visit of a venue for an event I'm working on for October, I felt giddy as I was suddenly aware that there I was riding in a speed boat across the Hudson on my way past the Statue of Liberty (me: "oh my gosh, it's RIGHT THERE!!") to what would turn out to be an extraordinarily gorgeous venue! 

And the wow factor isn't just for the city  - this also happened on a recent trip back to my hometown in Wisconsin - I haven't been in awhile and I was reminded just how amazingly gorgeous the place is - the rivers, the mountains, the farmlands, everything. I found myself experiencing the wow factor there too. 

There's certainly a small neurotic voice that pops up when I get like this that tries to stamp out that enthusiasm with the argument that at my age I 'should' stop being such a kid ... but I can't help it, it's in my DNA.

And you know what? I'm glad that I still have the wow factor; that I'm still surprised, impressed, and tickled by things like this. I think I'll be bummed if I stopped thinking "THIS IS SO COOL!!" when experiencing super cool things. 

A few nights ago I found myself at a networking event in Long Island City and happened to chat with a guy, about my age, who has spent his entire life in the NY area. I found a kindred spirit as our exchanges were basically "what super cool things have you done with your life?" "Wow, that's so awesome, here's what I've done!" "Wow, that's so neat". Honestly, it was like we were two 13 year old boys at summer camp comparing notes and that, in and of itself, was kinda awesome. 

Look, it's easy to forget just how amazing life is; the world certainly does not encourage expressing this, but tourists know. Although they annoy the heck out of New Yorkers, when I see a tourist stare up at the tall buildings, I think, 'they are having a wow factor moment'. I just wish they'd not do it in the middle of the sidewalk when I'm late for work <wink> 

In any event, today's assignment:  Find your enthusiasm again and enjoy the 'wow' factor! 

RIP Robert W. Richards #leslielohman #art #newyork

Good morning and Happy Monday.

Today, I feel the need to write a little bit about something that happened recently:  On Friday, July 12 I found out that one of my favorite New Yorkers had passed away: Robert W. Richards. 

Robert was an artist of note who was one of those New Yorkers who was the very definition of "fabulous" and he always made everyone he encountered feel fabulous even if they weren't as fabulous as he was (which is most of us). 

I am honored to have had a portrait illustrated by him of me for a magazine during the late 90s when I was producing fundraising events here in NYC and in LA...... I did not sit for him, but discovered the portrait on the cover of a gay weekly magazine in 1998. I moved to LA the week it was published and, without the miracle that is social media, never met him on that first go 'round here. 

But, a few years later I returned to New York and began, among other things, producing a weekly fundraising Bingo event at which I would always feature LGBT celebrities. One week I did a fundraiser for the Leslie Lohman gallery and I came up with the idea of having someone create a work during the event that we would auction off; they suggested Robert.

The moment he arrived, it was like meeting an old friend. I expressed the honor that I had at being drawn by him and, portrayed, perhaps, a bit more fabulously than I really was. :) 

At one point during the event, he pulled me aside and told me that he had had buyers interested in the original, but that he had told them that he had lost it. He then presented it to me, signed. I was beside myself with gratitude. 

It has been framed and hanging in my hallway for over a decade. It is one of my most treasured possessions. Later, he included the portrait in a book and gave me a copy with a personal note written inside "thanks for the loan of your fabulous face, Robert".

While not close friends, per se, over the next 10 years or so, when we would run into each other at events, parties, gallery openings, etc it really would be like running into an old trusted friend and companion. I suspect many people felt this way about him.

Robert's art touched many lives and, for this small town guy, having Robert in my corner really meant something to me in ways that may not have fully known.

For a variety of personal reasons, I am choosing not to post the artwork, however, I will value it til the end of my days as a reminder of a special and specific time in my life and as a tribute from a man for whom I had tremendous respect and admiration. 

Rest in peace/power, Robert W. Richards, you will be missed by many, but especially by me. 

(Pictured, Robert W. Richards and I July 11, 2007, Midtown Manhattan. Photo by A.B.)